Coming in the wake of an extremely stressful week for me due to all the news about hurricane Katrina and Eric's deployment, I received a sad email yesterday. One of the moms that I have contact with through email and an online support group sent me news that her son was KIA in Iraq on Tuesday morning. This is a hero that left behind a new wife and baby girl to help support our Marines (he was a Navy hospitalman). Even though I consistently contribute to the condolence books for our lost military men and women, I have never had one hit this close to home and I feel so helpless to help his mother.

With her living close to 2000 miles away from me all I can do is offer her an ear, and talk to her about what a great guy her son was. My problem right now is that I can't talk about him or what has happened without breaking down and not being able to speak at all. I have stress-related asthma and this has got it flaring up bigtime. It closes up my throat when I try to even think about this. So how do I support her at all right now? I hope that by tomorrow I will be able to call her and offer my condolences and ask if the family needs anything I can give. I know what the answer to that will be though, the only thing they want right now is something that noone can give them. The return of their son and husband and father. I am sending a card out today. It seems so woefully inadequate.

This on top of everything else has me reeling. I am trying to put all this in God's hands and let Him take this burden from me, but why am I finding it so hard to find any peace? I really do believe that God won't give me anymore than I can handle, but does He have to think I am SO strong?!?! I feel fragile right now, and I have steadfastly refused to resort to prescription drugs to ease the anxiety. Not sure if I am going to succeed at that though I am rather hard-headed and HATE to take medicine of any kind.

Eric has safely reached his destination, at least I know that. I am praying for his battalion as I know MANY MANY other people are also doing, I have to put his safety in God's hands. So I am trying very hard to do just that. I know that no matter what he sees or does over there ... he is strong enough to handle it, just like his mama.

When I think about Eric, that is what concerns me most. I really believe he will come home safely but will what he has to deal with while he is there haunt him? I truly hope not, I have had a lot of bad things happen in my life and I am VERY good at forgetting and just going on. I do hope that my son got THAT from me.

Everyone be safe and Semper Fidelis .