Do you think that the VA provides services to mothers of the military who develop PTSD from dealing with their child who has PTSD? They need too.

Another wonderful day ahead for which I am grateful. Eric should be going to a group PTSD meeting today but I bet he doesn't go. I told him last night that if he wants to be treated like an adult he needs to start acting like one. At least make an effort to keep his appointments and at the very least ... look for a job. Mama is tired of taking care of you!

My life pretty much revolves around -- well nothing -- at least right now. I guess I could say that it revolves around my job. I think the stress of dealing with a son who is pretty much an alcoholic and doesn't seem to care much about his own life has made me into someone who just goes along day to day without thinking about it. I used to enjoy life, love life and live it to the fullest. Now when I come home from work, I don't do anything. I think I need to take my own advice (let's see ... how many times have I told Eric to do this) and start doing something with my life again. Maybe a dating site?

Till next time ... as my biker friends say ... keep the shiny side up.

So ... still haven't managed to talk to the counselor at the Peru CBOC about Eric but at least he seemed a little better last night. Got home at six and he had actually gotten out and mowed the lawn. Probably because he wanted a couple of dollars to got somewhere but at least he did something productive. Believe me, that does not happen very often.

After Eric left, friends of his showed up (a couple of times). Everyone just opens my door and walks in. Told them all, 'you need to start knocking'. I am not prepared to be parenting these 20-somethings that think that Eric's home is just like their home. They are all in for a rude awakening. I am taking my house and home BACK. Probably going to have to start locking the doors. Everytime someone walks in like that, my little dog, Dora (name courtesy of Landon), darts outside and even though she is only three months old she likes to run. That dog STILL has more right to be in my home than any of those ... adults that still act like kids.

Can you tell that I am just about done with all this?

It may be hard to believe that I have not posted here for so long but it is even harder to believe that life can take such a drastic change for the worse when I read my past posts.

Eric and Patty separated in May due to his behavior. Patty took my beautiful little grandson back to California to be with her family (even though she really didn't want to leave, Eric forced her to) so now my only grandchild is 2500 miles away from me.

Over the remainder of 2010, Eric went deeper and deeper into alcoholism and depression. I knew from his symptoms and behavior that he was suffering from PTSD and urged him continuously to get help at the VA. He refused, saying he didn't like to talk about it and he didn't need help.

Well, here it is over a year later and in June when he finally became so depressed that I was afraid he was suicidal, I managed to convince him to go to the VA. They confirmed what I already knew. He is suffering from severe PTSD and almost unable to function.

Luckily, during this time I managed to graduate with a degree and finally found a great job or we would probably both be homeless. I can't give him money anymore because he drinks it all up but I am still supporting him. Patty and Landon did come and visit us for 2 months this summer and I supported them too while they were here. It seemed like the VA was helping Eric a lot during that time although both he and Patty were doing things that I didn't think was appropriate for the parents of a small child (nightly parties?).

Patty had to leave and go back to California for a while (and Landon too of course) and the weekend after she left, Eric ended up in jail for PI and resisting arrest. Things have went downhill from there.

I am now afraid for his safety and my own. He is abusing alcohol (drunk every day, how does he do this with NO money??), abusing the medications that the VA is giving him to keep him calm and help him sleep, and threatening me when I try to hide his pills when he is drunk so he doesn't overdose.

The friends he does have all have one thing on their minds and that is when is the next party? They were using my house as a party pad (Eric has the whole basement to himself most of the time) and I finally put a stop to that this week. I don't want to drive all his friends away but they apparently are not very good friends since they seem to be the reason that he manages to get alcohol without any money.

The doctors/counselors at the VA helped him file for VA disability in June. Still none of that coming in (may have to get a VA lawyer to expedite this) so I am STILL supporting him. He has had one job at a pizza place that lasted for two weeks then he got fired because he threatened to punch the manager out. This is NOT the good-natured boy that I raised ;(

All-in-all, life for me is a daily bad adventure. I never know what I am going to walk into when I get home from work. Last night, Eric was so drunk he couldn't talk clearly but he kept taking his sleeping pills. I tried to stop him, but like I said before, he threatens me if I hide the pills. I went downstairs this morning to make sure he was still alive before I left for work.

I have the number for his counselor at the CBOC and am going to call her today. Eric told me last night (as much as I could understand of what he said) that he talked to her yesterday about they did talk about him voluntarily entering a in-house program at the VA for PTSD victims that have substance abuse issues. Going to push that or he is going to end up in jail or dead. I love my son, but this person that I see most of the time now is a side of him that frightens me deeply. From the way things stand now, I am going to need to treated for PTSD.

Keep us in your prayers. I will be continuing this blog now, it helps me to write.